1. Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres
2. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
3. “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers
4. “Do not take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
5. “I can resist everything exept temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
6. “I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
7. “Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.” – Jack Handey
8. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” – W C Fields
9. “I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.” – Woody Allen
10. How to twerk; Step 1- reconsider